I realized very quickly that when you get married, people really want you to have babies. Conversations got awkward really quickly when I would tell people that I did not know if I wanted children anytime in the foreseeable future. So, I started punking-out and saying, “maybe in a couple of years.” This gave them hope and gave me more time. But in actuality, I would ride out the kid thing for as long as I could if nature was on my side. God knows how to pair people because my husband feels the same way as I do for the following reasons:
1. Our Jobs Suck
When I get home each day, I’m physically and emotionally drained. I’m a teacher. My husband works at the same school and he coaches there. I don’t think that many people realize how real the struggle is for teachers. I work harder than my peers in other professions for much less pay. On top of the low pay- school politics, an asinine observation system, redundant Professional Development, and working with delusional people who expect you to live and breathe teaching when you literally don’t make enough to do that takes a toll on you. Six years in, teaching (especially in North Carolina), is something that I recommend others not to do. I’m blessed to have a job, but God has shown me over and over reasons to not stop striving for something different.
2. Traveling With Kids Doesn’t Appeal to Me
This statement sounds horrible, but it’s not. We just really want to go on a few more adult-only vacations together before we add kids to the mix. I know that even when we have kids and someone agrees to watch them while we go on vacation, it won’t be the same because we (I) will worry about them.
3. Time is Short
I’ve always prayed that I will be in the place to stay at home with my babies once they’re here. Plenty of mothers work outside of the home and they love it and their kids are fine. I just don’t want to. My mom stayed at home with us and then when she did go back to work, she worked at the school we attended. I want that (minus the school part). My ideal situation would consist of running my business from home full-time. I understand that that’s still at lot of work but it’s a compromise and work that doesn’t drain my soul. I don’t want to lose myself in the process of mothering.’
Before having kids we both want financial security. People tell us we will never have enough money. Those people didn’t plan for their kids. I know people who did and their baby experiences were much easier.
5. We Like Our Freedom
Some nights between 11pm and 1am one of us will suggest going out. We love our late-night adventures together and we’re not ready to give that up yet.
When we tell things like this to some people (especially older, non-millennials) they will say that we’re selfish. The selfish argument is one of my favorites. I wish more people would be selfish with their life before dedicating it to others. Being selfish is actually pretty awesome. Taking time to work on myself, get an education, experience spiritual growth, build my career, travel, and love my husband really hard are all things that I would not trade for anything at this point in my life.
Society tries to pressure couples into believing that they’re not a family until children are in the mix. We’re not falling for it. At this point in our lives together, we are genuinely happy and believe that God will lead our steps when the time comes to change things. Until then we’ll continue making our foundation stronger with just the two of us (and hopefully a puppy soon) and we’ll have fun while doing it!